Is there forgiveness without remorse?

It’s been two years, and it some ways, it seems like yesterday, but then also a lifetime ago. Many things have changed for me, and mostly because of what happened to Sam. 

But this is not about me. It’s about Sam, and for those who love him or who have supported him or who follow him through my words, you are here to hear about him. And, thank goodness, Sam is thriving. 

Sam finished last semester at Portland State University with a 4.0 GPA while working. He has 2 more classes and he will graduate. We are so proud. 

He and Bridget are happy in their new home, just outside Portland in what I would call “the country.” Lots of acreage and horse farms around. It seems perfect. They have a new dog, Eliot Ruby or Elle (named after Sam’s favorite T.S. Eliot) who was welcomed to the fold by her older sibling, Weezy. 

Bridget works 2 jobs. Sam works and goes to school. Bridget was called by the producers of the TV show Portlandia and will be an extra in an upcoming episode. Exciting! She's famous!

It would seem their life is back to normal, but it is a new normal for them because Sam does not drive. The headaches and dizziness still prevent him from feeling comfortable on the road, and he would never put himself or anyone else in danger. So, Bridget or an Uber take him to his bus, then his bus takes him to the train. And on it goes. That’s how he gets to  work and school. It’s not comfortable, but it is how it is. Sam still takes 2 medications every day, maybe forever. He used to work at a bar; he was the bartender who could talk to anyone about anything. He’s so well read. He loved the social aspect of it, although maybe not the late nights. Now, he doesn’t drink so bars are not his thing. If he goes, he goes for the camaraderie, not the alcohol. 

The one question everyone always asks me is “Have they caught the guys who did this?” It’s a fair question. It isn’t about catching them, they know who they are. It’s about arresting and convicting them. That has not happened. 

We wait and hope and hear nothing. You can guess how I feel or what I might think. I’m hesitant to say too much just in case ….

But I will tell you what I believe about the MAIN perpetrator of this crime and the eyewitness accounts. 

• Sam did not know his attacker. 
• Sam did not raise his fists or his hands.
• When Sam raised his hand to his head, after the first punch, the bully punched him again.
• Sam was hit not once, but at least twice. Probably more.
• He was unconscious when he hit the ground. That is why he didn’t put out his hands to catch himself. 
• His attacker and his friends fled the scene. They did not call 911; they did not wait around to see if he was OK. They did not contact the police when they saw it on the news.
• His attacker and his friends have never showed remorse or offered an apology. 
• His attacker and his attacker’s friends all hired private attorneys. Three different private attorneys. Think about that. 

Right by Sam's bed. 

Prepare yourselves Portland, there is a person roaming the streets of your city, who put my son in the hospital, who doesn’t have a police record, who is free to live his life, and who is free to torment others if he wishes. Which he will, I’m sure. If he has done this to my son, he’s done it before, and he will do it again. I’m sure he feels like he is untouchable. 

His attorney, I’m guessing, asked him to remove all of his social media activities and any evidence of who he is online, which he did to some extent for awhile. As did his friends. But, as his confidence in “getting off” has accelerated, so has his activity on social media, and he’s back on Facebook. He’s been tagged in photos, his friends have quoted him, and there is information out there that shows he is just plain stupid. And, I am not. 

I have been able to piece a picture together of this person. And, the picture that emerges is of an entitled brat who has traveled all over the world (and he’s only in his mid-20s).

He has made misogynistic comments saying, as one example, that the WNBA should be on the Comedy Channel, not Cable or ESPN. (I will give a shout out to his mom for that attitude. Good job.) He has a meme of himself, using an actual photo of himself, that says “goes to restaurant … waitress tips.” He is disrespectful. He spends his time partying, snowboarding, wake boarding, skateboarding, and watching football. He’s from the Portland area. He has a rowdy group of friends who use foul language online. They aren’t funny, they are crude. 

While this person is able to skateboard and snowboard and participate in his favorite activities, Sam can no longer play basketball. Sam spent his entire life loving and playing the sport. When he was 4 years old, I bought a $10 yard-sale goal and stuck it in the living room so he could run off some of that pre-school energy. He would play for hours, dunking on that tiny goal. He played on that thing every single day. It's still one of his prized possessions. Until a few years ago, wherever and whenever he could, he would play in pickup games. He was a confident player, an excellent player. He loved basketball. It is painful for me, and for those who have watched Sam for years, to know he is not able to participate in those things he loves. It's not fair. 

Yes, my bitterness is palpable. I get it. I am angry that this bully is not being held accountable. I have no respect for him, his boorish friends or his pathetic parents. They raised the worst.

While I raised the best. While I wait for justice or an apology or something, Sam already has forgiven his attackers. That says everything.

Thank you all for everything you have done for Sam, all the prayers and financial support. It means everything. Thank you for always thinking of my sweet son.