Bridget's Life With Sam V. 2

Sam and I started our life together in Arkansas, where I was a part of his family and spent time with his lifelong friends. When we moved to Oregon, I was excited for Sam to meet my family and my friends. When they all met him, they loved him, just as I do.

When we left Arkansas, we headed first to my birthplace, New Orleans. We spent time with friends and family. Sam attended college for one year at LSU, and New Orleans is one of his favorite places. Here he is at Cafe du Monde.

Sam and I having dinner with friends in New Orleans.

Sam reading, as usual, in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Sam and our Oregon family ... me, my mom Maggie, Richard, Weezy and Hazel.

Sam on a rock in Tolovana, Oregon. He loves the Oregon coast.

We went to a wedding, and Sam had a "dance off" with a young boy. It was hilarious. That is Sam.

Sam.

Thank you for getting to know Sam.


Bridget Kitson

Home Again (Update for January 31, 2016)

Sam and my mom, his grandmother. 

I left Portland yesterday. I had a complete breakdown as I said goodbye to my son, and he asked me, "Why are you crying?" He probably doesn't realize I cry every day, so yesterday was no different. It was so hard to return home, and I worried about him all day. Then, late last night, I got a text from my son, "Thank you for everything." There's a Chinese proverb that says "One joy can shatter one hundred griefs" and that's how I felt at that moment.

Sam has had his phone in hand, and he looks at messages, but he hasn't been responding. I'm not sure if he is too tired or if he is not able to fully understand what he reads. But, because last night he sent me and his sister, Molly, a text ... I know he'll be doing that again soon as he starts responding to all of the messages of love and support from his friends and family.

Many people have asked me, "How do you feel about Portland now?" And, I have nothing but love for Portland. There are bad people everywhere, and this just proves that crime can happen anywhere. I live in Little Rock, which consistently ranks as one of the most dangerous cities to live in. My daughter went to college in Memphis, a city the FBI previously named as No. 1 in Violent Crime. We have never experienced any crime of any sort in Little Rock or Memphis. I love both of those cities. My point is that crime can happen anywhere, I do not blame the city or the people. There are criminals and bullies everywhere, and Portland has its share.

Sam and my dad, his grandfather.

I don't even mind the weather in Portland. It seems like it is always wet in Portland, but I never saw it rain. It may be because for the first week and a half I was there, I arrived at the hospital (via Uber) before it was light outside. I walked approximately 378 steps through the hospital every day. I actually counted the steps I took to my son's hospital bed. Then, I walked back the 378 steps to the Emergency Entrance of the hospital each day (the main entrance was always closed when I left) and took an Uber back the 1.3 miles to the hotel. The rain, the weather, nothing about Portland bothered me except that my son was hurt in this city. The sun peeked out one day, and I felt like the characters on the TV show Portlandia, wanting to stand in the sunshine for just a minute. And, the sun was out the day he took an ambulance to rehab ... a good sign.

I was unable to see most of Sam's therapy in person yesterday, as I was traveling home to Arkansas, but Bridget will now be my eyes and ears. She's up to the task. I was there in the morning for his speech therapy, and the focus was on his medications. He is taking 10, yes 10, medications every day. Obviously, we don't want that, and he doesn't want that, to continue forever. His therapist discussed each with him, and which meds he can quit taking soon.

After that, he had a full day of PT and OT. He did perfectly, but still favored his injured ankle. He even got to shoot a basketball, one of his all-time favorite activities. Bridget said they played Jenga and started making lists. One of Sam's all-tome favorite games, which he and Molly and I played ALL THE TIME, and he and Bridget play together ... is LIST MAKING. It sounds silly, but we take turns making lists of our Top 5 favorite movies, books, TV shows, or whatever. Bridget said yesterday they played that game, kinda, in therapy. For example, name 3 mammals living in the sea (not sure I could do that one). He did great.

Sam and his uncles, Jon and Kirk, and cousin Jake.

He ate all three of his meals yesterday, including all of his breakfast. That's a triumph. It's been hard to get him to eat much, and he keeps losing weight, so we want him to EAT. He is finally getting his appetite back.

Cousins Lona, Molly, Celia, Josi, Emma, Sam and Jaxon.

I left my home in Arkansas for Portland exactly two weeks ago today, unsure of what exactly happened and knowing my son was in ICU after having emergency brain surgery. It was a difficult trip there. I had no idea the extent of his injuries, how long he would be in the hospital, what his future would look like, nothing. That trip seems like a lifetime ago. I bought a one-way ticket there; I didn't know how long I would stay. Although I have more information, my son is out of immediate danger and I'm positive he will have his life back ... it's scary how your life can change on a dime. Sam's life will never be the same. He will never be able to ride a bike again, go snow skiing, ride a jet ski, maybe never again play pick-up basketball games or softball ... he won't be able to do anything where he might have a head injury. He has to be careful every single day. Can you imagine how overwhelming that might be? I don't want him to live a life of worry and fear, so I'm struggling with how he can be careful without it interfering in his daily activities. It's going to be a never-ending journey.

Sam and Molly. 

I look at things differently now. When we were at his apartment, Dan counted the steps to his second-story apartment ... 20 steps, handrail on the right. There's an overhang. Three steps to the door to his apartment. A rug I deemed slippery on their hardwood floors, so I moved it. Wood floors mean non-slip shoes. Does he have those? I took Weezy for a walk, and there's a busy intersection with cars and cyclists before you can cross the street to the park. The grass was damp and slippery, so I don't want him walking there. Everything looks and seems different to me. Until Sam has his skull re-inserted into his head, he's like a baby with a soft spot (to me), and everything is terrifying. I want to protect him.

I talked to Bridget this morning, and she has sent me some more photos of their life together, specifically their month-long trip across the United States prior to their settling in Portland. They had the best time, cementing their relationship for the long haul. I've said it before, and I will say it a million times more, Bridget is an angel. Whatever good thing you think about her, it's true. She is as dedicated and committed as they come. She and Sam have a true love. She and I have spent lots of time together this week until we joked that "we are one." We have sent each other the same exact texts at the exact same time, over and over. Not sure what that means, but I'm grateful that we are thinking alike.

I feel like I sound negative and that is probably true, because this is a negative experience. I am pissed off that Sam has been put in this situation. However, he is getting better and stronger every day. He's laughing and talking about his sister, his friends, his favorite movies. My only salvation is that I can see my son returning to his funny, brilliant self. For now, I can show you who he is, and let everyone learn to love him as his family and friends do.

Today, there is a fundraiser for Sam, Suds for Sam, at Saraveza in Portland from 11 a.m. until 11:59 p.m. I am, again, humbled and grateful.

Today's blog features photos of Sam and his family. There will be a second blog today with photos of Sam and his life with Bridget. The photos she is sharing just make me cry.

Thank you Heather.

I want to send a special thank you to my dear friend, Heather and her husband, Jason. She was my first visitor upon my return. She made Dan and I an amazing frittata and ciabatta bread (all homemade), and she listened to me pour my heart out. Forever grateful.

I also want to send a thank you to my long-time friend Neal Moore, who is writing an article today for the Maumelle Monitor (Moore on Maumelle) about Sam and the power of GoFundMe. I'll post the link when I have it.

Much love to all. Thank you for your prayers, your thoughts and messages, and your generous donations.

Goodbye to Portland for Now (Update for January 29, 2016)

"It's weird that you are leaving tomorrow. I wish you didn't have to leave." 

Just guilt and despair. Just pain and tears. I don't want to leave him. 

I have to leave tomorrow. It was hard for me to focus on today because of that hard fact. Sam asked me last night, "Were you ever going to come to Portland again? If I hadn't been hurt, would you have come again?" I told him of course I was (we came last summer), and we were planning on a trip in the fall. I don't think he remembers that.

I've made many mistakes as a parent, so many, but the one thing (besides offering unconditional love) I've always tried to be is reliable. I wanted my children to know I'm not going to let them down; they can always count on me. One time, when Sam was a freshman at Central High School in Little Rock, I was picking him up early from school for a dentist appointment. I told him that I'd be waiting for him in the registrar's office after his second block class. When class was dismissed, he and several of his friends came up to the office door window and looked in at me, and then his friends all proceeded to give Sam a dollar. I asked Sam what that was all about, and he said, "I bet them $1 that you would be here waiting." I said, "How did you know for sure?" And he said, "I knew you would be here. You always are."

He thought that was no big deal; that's what moms do. I always remembered that he noticed. To a kid, a parent just being present and reliable is everything. If you want to give your child anything, give them a sense of security. When I think about that moment now, it makes me cry. I hope he knows I will always be here. That's why it hurts so much to leave; I don't want him to think I am not here for him. 

Sam and me

Today, Sam had a good day overall. He completed his tasks with occupational therapy, pushed through physical therapy (bad ankle and all), and killed it in speech therapy. His speech therapist told him she was going to call him the slayer because he killed it. Corny, I know. After his morning therapies, he was exhausted. He took a nap, then back to therapy where he did great. They have a team meeting every Tuesday - with all of his doctors, therapists, nurses, the discharge planner - where I will hear more about their thoughts and results. I won't be here physically, but I will conference in to those calls. 

I had my first breakdown of the day today when Sam went to therapy and told me he didn't want me to leave. But it was more than that. I was sitting in the therapy waiting room, with Sam, where all the patients wait as they hustle them to each therapy session according to their daily schedules, and I was looking around at all of the patients in their wheelchairs ... and it just hit me AGAIN that this is his life right now. Wheelchairs and pain and therapy and hospitals ... I hate it so much for him. I know he is doing so much better than is expected, I know that he will be himself in time, and I know that he is much loved ... but it doesn't make it right or fair. And it doesn't make me accept it. It just hurts. 

In speech therapy, he did math, memory games, recognition exercises and more. He did very well; how far he has come is a miracle. You can believe in miracles or not, but I am confident this is one. His issue right now is reading, which I have mentioned before. He gets tired and stressed with long paragraphs or stories, so that will be the focus of his continued therapy. 

Sam napping after therapy

Today was exhausting for him. He was quiet, and complained of being dizzy, tired and nauseated a few times. But he has a goal, he knows that working hard gets him closer to getting home and outpatient therapy. He wants to be go back to his life with Bridget, and we know he can do it. He thinks he is fine, and that he doesn't need more therapy or 24-hour supervision, but that is not true. With a brain injury, it takes time. If you think of it like a broken arm or broken leg, it works the same. It takes time to heal, it's just longer with a brain injury. 

I got a glimpse of Bridget's and Sam's life today. Dan and I took a break, kinda, and went to Sam and Bridget's apartment to walk their dog, Weezy, and take care of a few things. Dan installed curtains on their windows for them. I had never been to this apartment before (they just moved to this one), but it made me a little bit happy. Their life surrounded me, with their mountains of books and Bridget's keyboard, speakers and music. There was evidence of Sam's favorite sports team with Green Bay Packers "art" and a GO HOGS cutting board. His Breathe Right strips were on his nightstand, along with a stack of books. Their life is sweet and honest. I can't wait until he can return.

Dan hanging curtains

Today, the neuropsychologist visited with us, and it was my second time to cry. He said to expect him to be angry or emotional or repetitive. Expect him to forget words when he is tired or stressed (he called his blanket "Democrat" today ... so I will let someone else figure out the connection). But, he also said that Sam is doing so well that he has complete faith that he will be back to himself in time. I know he's right. I know it. But, when I look at my son, lying in a hospital, coughing, in pain, wanting to go home and saying," How is this my life?" I just want to scream. 

I don't want to leave him tomorrow. I know I will just be counting the days until I can come back to be near my son. I want to apologize ahead of time to my friends and family in Arkansas because I might cry the first time you see me. 

I'm scared to leave him tomorrow. Bridget feels strong and confident, and she knows she can take care of him. She's already getting her "Sam Sitters" together to be with him when she has to go to class or run an errand. I am glad she has a reliable network in Portland. I'm still worried about the stairs up to his apartment, his little head and helmet, his memory, his reading, his life. 

Thank you Maggie!

My next blog will be Sunday, as I will be traveling. I will be relying on Bridget, Sam's dad, and Molly to help with updates going forward ... until I return to Portland. I will try to be more positive. I know he is getting better, but I'm still furious at what got him here in the first place. 

Bear with me. 

P.S. Some good news, The Abbey Bar fundraiser for Sam raised $2,713.83!

Step Down for a Step Up (Update for January 28, 2016)

It's been a good day.

We stayed very late at the hospital last night, as Bridget went to The Abbey Bar fundraiser for Sam to express our gratitude. Sam, Dan and I watched the movie “Twister” and some Adam Sandler movie. Sam asked us what our favorite Adam Sandler movie was … his was “Water Boy” as was Dan’s. I said “Big Daddy” at first, then he said, “What about The Wedding Singer?” I had forgotten I always loved that movie, but he remembered. 

Abbey Bar fund raiser for Sam

He was so tired last night, and kept saying he was tired, but he didn’t want to go to sleep because he couldn’t wait to talk to Bridget about The Abbey Bar fundraiser. She sent pictures while she was there, and I showed them to Sam and he told me who some of the people were, then asked me who some of the people were … of course, I unfortunately did not know them. When Bridget came in, she was over the moon about all of the support and people at the fundraiser, telling Sam all about it. We left them, her sitting on his bed, talking about the love and support they are feeling. 

http://katu.com/news/local/fundraiser-for-injured-packers-fan

When I woke up today, I didn’t wake up sobbing. A few tears, but no sobbing. I’m thankful for firsts. I have cried every single morning since I've been here, before I could think one straight thought, just tears of fear and anger. It didn't change when Dan arrived, but he's just been a rock. He's the most stand-up guy you can imagine. 

Sam and his new football!

When Dan and I got to the hospital, Sam was in good spirits, and I said I had a gift for him. He asked if it was food, as I think he had forgotten that the Green Bay Packers were sending him something. When he saw it, he was shocked and excited because he got a signed note and picture from Aaron Rodgers, an autographed football, team sportswear, and more. 

http://katv.com/community/7-on-your-side/packers-contact-injured-fan

The medical transport team came at noon to move him to the rehabilitation facility, another positive as we move to the next step-down unit. Bridget and Dan rode in her car to the hospital, and I rode in the ambulance with Sam. My first ambulance trip. The rehab facility is quieter, the room is larger, but the TV is old school (no flat screen here), so Sam said it was his least favorite thing about the new hospital. He has a bulletin board, so we put all of his cards up for him to see. Although he’s seen them before, he asked again who sent him each one. We thought he would have a roommate (dorm style), but he has his own room. The medical personnel knew that Sam does better when Bridget is here, so they got him a private room with a rollaway bed so Bridget can stay and help him as needed. No words. 

We met with the physician’s assistant (she gave him a math question, and he answered it faster than I could), nurses, speech therapist (Michelle’s back!) and his physical therapists. With Michelle, Sam answered 56 of the 60 questions correctly. He had to look at pictures and then tell her what it was. He couldn’t quite pull the word “hammock” back, but he knew it started with an H. And, he couldn’t remember the name of “asparagus” but he cheated and read her notes upside down. He admitted it to her, and said he wouldn’t do it again. Made himself laugh. She said, “That’s the first time I’ve seen him smile. He’s making amazing progress.” I was asking questions and answering questions of all the medical personnel, and he told me I was talking too much. Nice. 

When you come to this facility as a patient, you have to take a step back from whatever you were doing before and are under observation for everything you do for the first 24 hours. He’s been walking without his walker, but now they are evaluating that again. The only issue is that his ankle is still swollen and bruised, and it hurts for him to walk on it. He has a window now to look out, and he can’t get enough. He asked if we could all go out to dinner tonight … 

Bridget went to class so Dan and I sat with Sam, and watched TV. Dan went and got us some ice cream! Although Sam still has fluid restrictions, he can eat whatever we can get him to eat. His appetite has not completely returned, and he’s lost another pound in the last few days. He did eat some breakfast, about half a salad for lunch, some ice cream and a little piece of turkey and mashed potatoes for dinner. Sam is better every day, but I can tell his memory of this “time” goes back only 4 to 5 days. If you ask when something happened, he says “ four days.” He complains that he is tired, but he doesn’t want to sleep. He asks me every day, “When did you get here?” He always asks us if we can watch a movie together, and when he can leave. He repeats himself because of the short-term memory loss. He wants to go home with Bridget. He is very cognizant of the fact that the better he does here, the more he learns and follows directions, the quicker he can return home and just go to outpatient therapy. We are hoping it will be soon. Bridget is ready for her new world. He will return home with the helmet, until his surgery, so he won’t be out and about. He will be healing.

He is not ready for visitors; we are requesting only family at this time. When Sam gets stronger and feels more comfortable, he will call his friends and reach out on his own. When he does that, when he makes those phone calls, it's a day we can all celebrate. He has been asking me questions all day, questions he would usually know the answer to like who is my favorite actor, who is my favorite actress, and then he asked me: 

Sam: What is your favorite movie? 
Me: Emma. 
Me: What’s yours? 
Sam: Not Emma. 

He’s showing his sense of humor, and it’s making me so happy. 

Yesterday, I felt so weak and hopeless, but today I feel better, stronger. The progress he is making every day is nothing short of miraculous, and I owe it to all of you for the prayers and good thoughts coming our way. I owe it to good medicine, and hard-working nurses and doctors. I also am thankful Sam is young and strong, and oh so smart, so that he will get back to who he was. 

I’ve only cried once today, and only felt on the verge of tears about 5 times, instead of every single second of every single day. I know this is the natural progression … as he seems better, I can start to let myself feel better. It just didn’t seem fair … as he lay in a hospital bed with a bolt sticking out of his head, struggling to fight nausea, to get up and go to the bathroom, to control headaches, to regain his strength and memory, to be missing a piece of his skull … it just didn’t seem fair for me to feel any sort of normalcy, to be happy for even one minute, to smile or laugh, to enjoy food or a good night’s sleep. I know life’s not fair, but this seems to push the limits of what anyone should have to endure. When your child is hurting, there’s just no pain that can compare. I will never again take my life or my children’s lives for granted, and I will tell them I love them and miss them every single day. I also will try to be more empathetic when others are in pain. We all have our struggles and heartache, and I want to be aware and sympathetic of yours. I am sorry if I have ever not been.

I have to leave here on Saturday, to try to return to my life for a few weeks (before I come back to Portland). I don’t want to leave him, but I’m grateful his dad will be here when I’m gone. I want to continue to surround him with love from his family, so he knows he is not alone in this fight.

See the wonderful gifts we have received from my friends in Arkansas. So much love. 

Thank you Tracy.

Thank you Damona.

Thank you Judy.

Thank you Rene.

Much love.

Listening to Music and My Pain (Update for Wednesday, January 26)

Last night I played a song for Sam, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah (a song both my mom and I love, and that she recently posted for Sam). After he heard it, he wanted me, him and Dan to take turns picking songs to play. Sam picked "Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen; "A Case of You," by Joni Mitchell; "Song for Zula" by Phosphorescent (he said because his sister loves this song); and "A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum. Dan picked songs by Kenny Rankin and John Hiatt, and I picked songs by Art Garfunkel, Bonnie Raitt and John Prine. The point of this is that Sam's long-term memory is intact. He made need some reminders and hints, but then he remembers. His short-term memory will be the focus for his therapy. 

We thought Sam might be transferred to rehab today. So, our plan was for Bridget and I to go shopping to buy Sam a recliner for when he returns home (thanks to my mom and stepdad), and while we were shopping Dan and Sam were going to walk downstairs and get a banana smoothie. Sam said he didn't want to go to rehab today, because he wanted to get a banana smoothie with Dan. Oh my heart.

He was NOT transferred to rehab today, so one more night in Acute Care. He took a shower today, and when he got out of the shower and saw himself in the mirror ... scared and emotional. Seeing him upset set me free, and I cried and told him it won't be long until the cranioplasty, and it would be OK. While Sam and I were both upset, Bridget was soothing him with, "It's no big deal. Remember, I told you? You'll be good as new soon. It's OK. I love you." Oh my goodness, Bridget. Where does she find the fortitude? She is right, of course. He IS getting better each day. 

Bridget, Sam and Molly - December 2015.

Because they thought Sam was leaving today, they cancelled his therapies. However, his speech therapist came by and said she only had one question for Sam, "What is going to happen when you transfer to the rehab facility?" and he said, "I don't know. I guess I will have lots of opportunities." After that, Sam, Dan, Bridget and I took a long walk all over the hospital. We looked at the art, and out the windows toward downtown Portland. At one point, Sam stopped and seemed to be reading something (a testimonial poster on a wall) about a girl overcoming a traumatic brain injury. I said, "She came through it." And he said, "I just can't read right now." My son, who loves nothing more than reading, can't read right now. And, it is not his fault. 

Whether Sam is getting a shot, a drink, an IV, meds, dinner, bed linens changed ... whatever it is, he is so polite to the caregiver. He says, "thank you" about 50 times a day. Both of my children have always been polite and grateful. One time, when Sam was little, he went to a birthday party, and when the little boy opened the present from Sam (which I had, of course, bought), he acted ugly, threw the gift down and said he already had one of those. Of course, it hurt Sam's feelings. I felt terrible, but I took it as a lesson learned. I told him, "You know how that made you feel? You don't want to make others feel that way. Always say 'thank you' and be grateful even if you have 10 more at home." Both he and Molly remembered that lesson, and they have always been the BEST at saying "thank you" no matter what the situation. 

A card for Sam. 

Today, Sam's sodium level was 137! A prayer answered. But his headaches continue, as you might expect. I want him to have some relief from this, but those damn headaches continue every day. His headaches were bad tonight, so low lights, pain meds, Tylenol, quiet. Anything we could do to help. And, his cough is back. It's just so frustrating. 

Below are Sam's actual injuries and surgeries outlined. It makes me physically ill. 

• Subdural hemorrhage
• Subarachnoid hemorrhage
• Intracranial hemorrhage
• Cerebral edema with hyponotremia
• Skull fracture, temporal
• Removed left bone flap
• Scheduled for cranioplasty (return left bone flat) within 4 to 6 weeks

Today, as with most days, it's overwhelming. I'm thankful for Dan and Bridget or I just might go crazy. I can't understand why this has happened. I just can't. There is no making sense of it, and people have told me, "Don't try." I've always said that I believed in fate, that I thought things happened for a reason. Now, right now, I believe I was naive. There's no reason for this, and I can't see how good can come of it. Maybe I'll see or feel that one day, but not today. I've mentioned to my family that I feel like I'm being punished, like I've done something wrong. I thought my baby girl being diagnosed with epilepsy just a few years ago, something that changed her life and makes me fearful for her safety every single day, would break me. Then this happened. It has knocked me to my knees, made me question everything. When your children are hurting, through no fault of their own, it's the worst kind of frustration.The worst kind of pain. You here people say, "If I could change places with him, I would." I get that now. I would in a second. If only I could. I cry to the heavens every day, what have I done? I'm sorry! Why am I being punished? Please don't hurt my children anymore! Please God. Please. I'm begging for some peace. The pain is raw and real, and I'm praying for comfort. 


With all of my heartache, I'm still thankful for you. If you are reading this and thinking of Sam or praying for Sam, I'm grateful to you.

So Many Thank Yous

I have so many people to thank (and if you are reading this, you are one of them), but I do want to thank some people and entities specifically. So this blog is all about thanks.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to:

• Anthony T. — This guy promised to wear his Packers beanie until Sam goes home. It made me cry. Also Joshua B. and David Q. for showing their support online. 
• The Green Bay Packers fans and the Packers themselves for showing their support. 
• Vikings fans, Seahawks fans, 49ers Fans, Patriot Fans ... and NFL fans for their messages of hope. 
• Joan and Harry for the Green Bay Packers jacket. 
• My friends back in Arkansas specifically Karen (my touchstone), Carl (who’s suffered such loss this past year), Damona, Kristy, Trey, Tracy, Martha, Eric, Linda, Rene, Susan, Ron, Andrea, Phillip, Curtis, Jim, David, Kathy, Tricia, Mark, Alex, Judy, Matthew, Julie, Wendy, Genny, Heather, Lisa T., Ryan, Chip, Katie, Lisa C., Mike, Steve, Kim, Ann, Jean, Lin, Mark and Joy, and Becky and Jay. I may be missing a few names, so I apologize but know I am grateful for everything you have done for me and Sam. 
• My employer and my co-workers at Arkansas Blue Cross and Blue Shield. I wish everyone had an employer and co-workers like these … we are family. 
• My parents, my brothers, my sisters-in-law, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my nieces and nephews and Sam’s friends specifically Regina, Jeffrey, Wilson, Ellen and Nick. They give him love and strength. He is so fortunate to have them.
• Josie, Sam and Bridget's friend. What a sweetheart. She was here when I couldn't be. 
• Legacy Emanuel Medical Center - This is where you want to be if you have a traumatic brain injury. Thanks to his neurosurgeon Dr. Kent Grewe, his ICU nurses Katie, Eric, Jason and Amanda. His Acute Care nurses Rachel, Dakotah, Selena, Emily and many others. 
• Uber drivers Brian and Anwar. I am now a huge Uber fan. 
• Crowne Plaza Convention Center — They sent flowers, gave me a special hotel rate, and much more. Especially Karlyn. 
• Maggie, Bridget’s mother, who has coordinated fundraisers and was here from the very beginning. She brings me peace. She takes care of Bridget. 
• Sam’s father, Danny Whitehorn, who will be here after I leave to go back to Arkansas for a bit to give Sam and Bridget support. 
• The Abbey Bar, Sam’s employer, for their support and fundraising.
• My long-time love and partner in life, Dan. He is now by my side, here to give Bridget, Sam and I whatever we need. He’s made Sam’s bed, sat with him, walked with him, read to him, and made him laugh. I couldn’t do this without him. He’s keeping me positive and hopeful. I can’t explain what he means to me. 
• Bridget, my son’s precious girlfriend. From the very first day he met her, he told me “I’m in love. We will be together forever.” I laughed it off, but he was right. He knew it. She is his life, and I am grateful for her every day. She’s shown strength and love under the most devastating circumstances. She is her mother’s daughter. During the holidays, we were celebrating their Arkansas homecoming at our favorite Little Rock eatery, owned by my dear friend Gio … Bruno’s Little Italy … and Sam was joking around about his gaining a few pounds, and Bridget responded to him with, “I still love you.” He teased her later about the “still” when what she had meant was “I will love you no matter what.” She is proving that every day. 
• My daughter, Molly. No words, just know that she offers me advice, love and keeps me grounded and hopeful. When I talk to her on the phone, she reminds of how far Sam has come.  I'm so grateful. We share everything, including this pain. She’s had her own struggles the past few years, with a diagnosis of epilepsy, but she has faced with it with grace and has never used it as a crutch. She has always been independent and confident and smart, and she’s helping me think clearly. When Sam could talk on the phone briefly, she’s the person he turned to. They have always been best friends. He asks about her every day, and she will be with him in a few weeks. 
• And, finally, all of the GoFundMe donors. I have never met the majority of them, but now they have touched me forever. Know that I read every single message and am grateful beyond measure. 
• The guys from KATU and KGW here in Portland. You know who you are, and I am grateful for your fair reporting.
• The Portland Police Department detectives. I trust them and know they will seek justice for my son. 

I read the above to Sam, and he said, "I would add some more things about me. Like some compliments about me." That made me so happy. His sense of humor is coming back. 

Dinner and a Song (Update for Tuesday, January 26)

This morning, Dan and I arrived at the hospital a little later. We stayed late tonight with Sam as Bridget finally went back to class. She has to continue her life. His sodium level remains at 135. We wish it was higher. He ate about 1/2 of a breakfast sandwich. He was very sleepy, and still taking pain meds, Claritin and his salt pills. Sam has terrible allergies, always has. He’s allergic to pollen, dust, cats, and more. He has a long-time necessary habit of using Breathe Right strips to sleep. He continues to use those in the hospital, as they have given it the thumbs up. If you ever took at look at Sam and Bridget’s spending habits … lots of pharmacy expenditures … Kleenex, nose spray, Breathe Right strips, allergy medicines … you might think they were a little older than they are. When I send Sam give packages from home, I always include allergy meds. 

Yesterday I was walking down the hospital hallway, and I heard someone singing to a patient. I thought it was really sweet, but I can’t sing (now, Bridget can sing like an angel) … but I went to Sam’s room and told him, and I said, kind of jokingly, “Do you want me to sing for you?” Just my luck, he said “yes.” He turned off the TV, and Dan said, “Well, what are you going to sing?” I said I was going to sing a John Denver classic, “Take Me Home Country Roads” and then I had to sing it. And I can’t sing. Sam thought it was funny to put me on the spot, and clapped along. So, lesson learned for me. And, it was really good to see his sense of humor intact. One of my long-time friends, Mel, once told me, “Don’t ever make promises to your kids you can’t keep. They will always remember. And, you have to be reliable.” I didn’t have children back then, but I always remembered that advice. It was good advice, and I’ve tried to follow it. 

About 1 p.m., Sam wanted to take a walk, and we went to the first floor of the hospital and walked around, then set down in a little cafe and ordered smoothies. He ordered a banana smoothie, and we added protein to it. The dietitian had stopped by just before this, and said he needs to eat “whatever he wants.” He needs calories, he needs protein. She is going to order special shakes for him to get his strength and energy up.

Every day Sam gets focused on something different. Today, he was focused on “not remembering” stuff. He kept asking why he can’t remember things. He repeats things, a result of his short-term memory loss. And, he asks the same questions over and over. If you talk to him for five minutes, he seems so perfect. If you spend the day with him, you can see how his memory has been affected. He’s always been one of the smartest people I know, and we are working to strengthen his cognitive skills. It’s going to be a long road, but he can do it. He is motivated, as he wants his life back. And the fact that he was so young, healthy and smart before this only helps him. 

His head ached today, he has trouble hearing and he seemed tired. His days are very busy with all the therapy and blood work and care. When he goes to the rehabilitation facility, it will almost be like going to school. He will have different cognitive and physical therapy classes all day.

Physical therapy.

He worked with the physical therapist today, and even completed the obstacle course. His motor skills are good, and his balance is getting better every day. He walked without the walker to the gym and back. His only issue is his ankle, which is still bruised and swollen. He also worked with the occupational therapist (he made tea, did a Google search, etc.) Then, he worked with the speech therapist, and again, this was frustrating for him. He is doing 1000 times better than he did a few days ago, and we are so thankful. The one question he struggled with was “point to an alternative energy source” and had a picture of a sun and a random object. He said, “I don’t get it.” The speech therapist, Michelle, asked him if knew why he was here (he says that his skull is hurt), and asked him what would happen at the rehabilitation facility, and he said it would be fun, and it would get to communicate with different people. She asked him if he knew why the rehab facility would be important, and he said, “I need help.” I can’t tell how those three words are killing me, breaking my heart. It’s just so painful, and no mother should ever have to feel this kind of pain. No mom, no dad, no one. It’s defeating. 

We had unexpected visitors today, Joan and Harry of Hillsboro, Oregon, and they brought Sam an official Green Bay Packers Super Bowl jacket. It had belonged to Joan’s brother, and now they wanted Sam to have it. They were so sweet, and they made Sam smile. He also got a sweet book in the mail from my neighbors, friends and co-workers Joy and Mark, and homemade brownies from the mom (Becky) of his long-time best friend, Jeffrey. I also got a card of support from my co-workers, which I loved. 

Brownies and a sweet card.

Joan and Harry with a gift for Sam.

Always reading. Here, on the beach. 

For dinner, he looked at the hospital menu and ordered the steak and potatoes. He said it would be fun if we all ate together so Dan ran downstairs to get us sandwiches. Sam sat with a potato on his fork until we were all sitting in our chairs, and ready to eat. We did eat together, per his desire. One of Sam’s favorite things is to go out to dinner with Dan, me, Molly and Bridget when we are all together. I’m happy we can sorta\kinda do that again for him. He ate his entire dinner, plus a milkshake. That was a first. 

After dinner, he took a nap. Dan and I just sat with him, quietly … Dan reading, me working on my daily update for Sam’s Road Home. 

When I refer to “home” for Sam, it’s so much more than a physical place. It means back to who he was … his funny, brilliant self. I don’t use those descriptors lightly. Sam is hilarious, quick-witted like his sister. He can always make you laugh. He is brilliant, he reads everything, and he can have an in-depth discussion on ANY topic you choose. Snakes? He can name every snake you can think of, if it’s poisonous or not and where it lives. Football? Name a team, a player, a game and he can discuss that with you. Books? He’s probably read it. (Today, he said to me that he would like to work in a library or bookstore someday. ) Poets? His favorites are T.S. Eliot, Leonard Cohen, and Dylan Thomas. 

My heart hurts.

Hamburgers and Pudding (Update for January 25)

When Dan and I arrived at the hospital, Sam was feeling a little nauseated and his sodium levels had dipped to 135. They do his bloodwork every morning, so we have to wait until tomorrow to see if it is better. However, he was ready to take a walk so that was good news. Dan and I walked with Sam (walker and helmet in hand and on head) downstairs, outside through "the yellow brick road" in the atrium and then to the Heartbeat Cafe, where he had a Sprite. He loved it, and kept looking around and saying how nice the hospital was and mentioned taking this same walk tomorrow.
When we returned to the room, his physical therapist showed up and wanted to go to the gym. He did great ... with his balance, and walking sideways, forward and backwards. Based on how he did, she said he can take walks WITHOUT THE WALKER as long as she, or a member of the family, is walking beside him. However, it's his call. If he feels like he can walk without it, he is free to leave it behind. We have decided to just carry it along, just in case he gets tired.

Sam is a reader. 

After all the activity, he was very tired and had a headache. Additionally, his ankle was hurting so the physical therapist brought ice and decided to elevate his ankle today.
His trauma doctor said he was doing well, and as long as his sodium levels stay in the normal range, he's almost ready for the next stage of his recovery ... a rehabilitation facility. That will probably happen this week, and we consider that really good news. It is just another part of the journey to get home. She also told us that his next surgery, to have his skull returned to his head, will probably be in six weeks.
Today, we also visited with a social worker AND a representative from the Rehabilitation Institute of Oregon (RIO). When Sam goes there, he will receive intense physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy. After he leaves RIO, he will still need 24-hour supervision and that will be Bridget's full-time job. She also has three friends to help her, when she needs to go to class, run errands, etc.
Sam had a session with his occupational therapist, and she said he did great. AND, then he met again with the speech therapist (and again, he wasn't very cooperative). He did draw a great clock, and answered most of the questions correctly. He still struggles a little with math, and he gets impatient with the questions.
When he is tired, he starts getting a little confused and calling things by the wrong name. For example, he wanted some pudding, and he kept referring to it as "manning." So ... either he is equating Peyton Manning to "pudding" or he had just watched a football game yesterday, and his brain was just misfiring a little. (We like Peyton Manning.) He looked at some books today, but said he was too tired to read.
Back to pudding, that's all he ate today until dinner. He actually looked at the menu (hospitals are a little different these days) and ordered a hamburger. The best news is that he ate about three quarters of it. That's really good for him.
His fluid intake is still restricted, and we are supposed to record all of his liquid intake. He tries to get us to write it down wrong. When I measure his Sprite or water, and I know it is 200 ml, he will tell me it's really only 100 ml. Hmmm ....
I had guessed he had lost 20 pounds, but they weighed him today and he has lost 15.
Overall, he had a great day. He was calm, coherent and followed all instructions well. He has some short-term memory loss, and we have to repeat things sometimes. He smiled and laughed a few times. We are praying for another day of progress tomorrow.
Another bar in Portland, besides his employer, The Abbey Bar, is planning on having a fundraiser for Sam. I will post information as I have it. People in Portland have been so supportive, and want to make sure he is OK when he returns to his home with Bridget. Here is the information on The Abbey Bar fundraiser. Thank you all for reading and understanding.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2016/01/packers_fans_coworkers_plan_fu.html

Bridget's Life With Sam V.1

Sam in front of The Tagus River in Lisbon, Portugal, giving a serious look. We stayed there for three days in the fall of 2015. Sam described Lisbon as a cross between New Orleans and San Francisco. We saved our money for this trip, planned every detail, and it is one of my favorite memories of my life with Sam so far.

Sam napping with our Shiba Inu Weezy. Sam adores her, and she feels the same. He has been asking about her and wondering if Weezy might be able to visit him in hospital. 

Sam walking on the beach in Tolovana, Oregon. Haystack Rock in the background. This is where my mother lives, where I grew up, and where we stayed when we first moved to Oregon (Sam couldn't get enough of the beautiful Oregon coastline). He sat out on the beach every day reading.

Sam and I on a flight to Somewhere. We share a love of traveling, and I hope to continue our adventures after Sam has healed. Our first goal is the end of July 2016, to attend a family reunion in Minnesota, at Arcadia Lodge. We feel positive that Sam will be well enough to travel by that time, and he will enjoy fishing and reading by the lake.

Here is Sam looking cool while tending bar at Maduro Cigar Bar in Little Rock, Arkansas (now closed), where we met and fell in love. This shows the silly side of Sam, not taking himself too seriously ... one of the many reasons I love him. Sam is a great bartender because he has the ability to talk to anyone. He has made many friends during this "bartending" period of his life, with many patrons showing up just to have conversation with him. He can talk to anyone because he's smart, well-read, funny and friendly. 

Sam and I drove from Arkansas to Oregon over the course of a month. We managed to visit six states along the way. We went to Jazz Fest in New Orleans, traveled up 101 and camped in the Red Wood Forest, visited Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, saw the Grand Canyon, and finally made it to the Oregon border! It was a dream fulfilled for Sam.

This picture was taken when we first arrived on the West Coast. Santa Monica, I believe. It’s one of my favorites, even though he says he doesn’t like it much. Sweet Soulful Sam.

A text exchange between Sam and I a few days before he was assaulted. A good example of his sense of humor. We make each other laugh every day. 

These are a few photos of my wonderful life with Sam. More to come. Thank you to everyone who is reading this blog, and keeping updated on Sam.

Love to everyone.

Bridget Kitson

WATER and a Walk! (Update for Sunday, January 24)

Saturday Night
Sam has only been able to have Boost or milk to drink for two days, and it's been frustrating as can be, but thank the lord, this strategy worked. His salt level is now in the normal range, 136, at last blood draw. We are hopeful that it holds!And there are a million and one reasons I want it to hold, but now it's so he can have a drink of something. He has been begging for Sprite, water, anything. I can't explain the pain it causes us to hear him beg for a drink. I felt like going all "Terms of Endearment" on them. GIVE MY SON SOMETHING TO DRINK! Even the nursing staff couldn't stand it. They were standing in the hall last night outside his room thinking and struggling on what else he can have. Finally, they decided, because his salt levels are good, he could have a little Sprite and OJ. He kept saying "thank you" after he got something to drink. His salt levels will be checked again Sunday morning. Please Lord...
A representative of Facebook contacted me and offered free advertising in the Northwest United States to locate the persons of interest. I'm grateful. Also today, Sam got a gift bag from his boss at The Abbey Bar. It's full of books I hope he can read soon. He received a Packers blanket from Angel Blanket Ministries. (They said it had been for sale for many months and never sold and now they knew why. It was for him.) Several fellow Packer fans offered him tickets to a Packers home game. WOW. Rene L. has sent him a book on Bob Dylan. And on and on. Thank you so much to everyone. 

Gift for Sam. 

Sam has probably lost 20 pounds or more. It was obvious to me when he went for his daily walk last night with his walker and helmet. He walked to the elevator, to the first floor then a quick trip outside in the atrium. He was exhausted by it and barely made it back to his room. He didn't speak or answer questions when he was walking, but he was looking around. Sam's personality is a little different right now. Pray hard for my funny, brilliant son to find his way back. He has no filter, he's angry one minute then calm the next. All expected with a brain injury. He's completely coherent one minute and then he says something that doesn't really make sense.
Today, he had a sponge bath and we are hoping for a shower Sunday.

Sunday
I may finally get the days right today, whole day blogging instead of two half days. Today was a really good day for Sam. He had a shower. And, the best news yet, his salt/sodium level was 138! Because of that, he could have water! He can only have 2 liters of liquid every 24 hours, but we were so thankful.
Sam was amazingly alert today. His cough had quieted down most of the day, until this evening when it suddenly came back and he was in misery again. But this morning, he was focused on his childhood and long-time friends. He repeatedly asked me to call his long-time best friend Jeffery. Then he wanted Bridget to call his friend Ellen. Then he wanted me to call Wilson. Then Nick. I still have two of his friends to call, Cameron and Hunter, but I will do that tomorrow. He wanted to call his sister, Molly, and he talked to her for about 10 minutes. He had a brief conversation with his father. He asked about his grandparents again.
He watched some of the Broncos vs. Patriots game, and then a little of the Arizona vs. Carolina. He suddenly remembered last weekend's Packers game, which he previous could not recall.
He is still on pain meds, salt pills, Claritin and Robitussin. Today, suddenly, everyone noticed he had a swollen ankle that was black and blue. We have been so focused on his head. The doctor ordered an X-ray and it came back with no broken bones. Probably just a sprain, but he has not complained about it. I was helping him put his socks on today, and I was being slow and careful of his ankle, and he told me that I was the worst at putting socks on. That may be true.

Soothing his head.

His vitals are all good. He still can't hear very well, but the swelling is going down. As the swelling goes down, the left side of his head (his left, where the skull has been removed) starts to recede and become concave. That doesn't look so great, but it's a good sign. Moves him closer to his surgery to put his skull back in place. Right now, he has approximately 60 staples in his head, and it is starting to itch. We put soft cloths on his head to help with the itching. He didn't eat much at all today, so one goal not met. He had grapes, some pudding and two bites of some chicken.
My long-time boyfriend is here now, Dan, and just ... tears of joy. Sam was looking forward to his showing up, and asked me several times today if the four of us could go to dinner. He said, "That would be fun." After Dan arrived, we took a walk down the hall. He really likes getting up, and he said he would like to go outside tomorrow.
Today was a good day for Sam. He was very emotional, but completely coherent. The nurse, Emily (whom Sam adores), told me she had never seen a patient with the left bone flap out being so alert. She said, "They are never where he is. He is doing so well." Prayers answered. Thank you everyone!

I have received lots of questions from people all across the country, and I am going to try to answer a few today.

1. Can Sam have visitors? Not at this time. Only family at this time. Unfortunately, he does not feel well enough to have other visitors.
2. Can he accept gifts? We have been accepting gifts. We love cards, prayers and messages of hope to share with him.
3. When is he leaving the hospital? There is no talk of that yet. After leaving the Trauma Acute Care Unit, he will spend some time in a rehabilitation facility.
4. When is he having his surgery to replace his skull? The doctor said two weeks to two months.
5. Can he accept phone calls? Not at this time.
6. How long am I staying here (me, his mother)? It's going to be so hard to leave but I'm heading back to Arkansas January 30 for awhile. His dad will arrive on January 31 to stay for a week or so. After that, his sister will come. Then I will return after that as much as needed.
7. Who will be his caregiver when he returns home? Bridget. She will be taking a leave from her job. The GoFundMe account will allow her to do so to take care of Sam full time. So thankful.
8. When will Sam be back to his normal self? There's no hurrying his progress, but he is getting better every day. 

Here are a few more articles found online.
http://m.jsonline.com/news/crime/oregon-man-beaten-because-he-wore-packers-cap-family-says-b99657307z1-366322421.html

http://www.record.com.mx/mas-deportes-nfl/dejan-fan-en-coma-por-usar-gorro-de-empacadores

Love to all.