Step Down for a Step Up (Update for January 28, 2016)

It's been a good day.

We stayed very late at the hospital last night, as Bridget went to The Abbey Bar fundraiser for Sam to express our gratitude. Sam, Dan and I watched the movie “Twister” and some Adam Sandler movie. Sam asked us what our favorite Adam Sandler movie was … his was “Water Boy” as was Dan’s. I said “Big Daddy” at first, then he said, “What about The Wedding Singer?” I had forgotten I always loved that movie, but he remembered. 

Abbey Bar fund raiser for Sam

He was so tired last night, and kept saying he was tired, but he didn’t want to go to sleep because he couldn’t wait to talk to Bridget about The Abbey Bar fundraiser. She sent pictures while she was there, and I showed them to Sam and he told me who some of the people were, then asked me who some of the people were … of course, I unfortunately did not know them. When Bridget came in, she was over the moon about all of the support and people at the fundraiser, telling Sam all about it. We left them, her sitting on his bed, talking about the love and support they are feeling. 

http://katu.com/news/local/fundraiser-for-injured-packers-fan

When I woke up today, I didn’t wake up sobbing. A few tears, but no sobbing. I’m thankful for firsts. I have cried every single morning since I've been here, before I could think one straight thought, just tears of fear and anger. It didn't change when Dan arrived, but he's just been a rock. He's the most stand-up guy you can imagine. 

Sam and his new football!

When Dan and I got to the hospital, Sam was in good spirits, and I said I had a gift for him. He asked if it was food, as I think he had forgotten that the Green Bay Packers were sending him something. When he saw it, he was shocked and excited because he got a signed note and picture from Aaron Rodgers, an autographed football, team sportswear, and more. 

http://katv.com/community/7-on-your-side/packers-contact-injured-fan

The medical transport team came at noon to move him to the rehabilitation facility, another positive as we move to the next step-down unit. Bridget and Dan rode in her car to the hospital, and I rode in the ambulance with Sam. My first ambulance trip. The rehab facility is quieter, the room is larger, but the TV is old school (no flat screen here), so Sam said it was his least favorite thing about the new hospital. He has a bulletin board, so we put all of his cards up for him to see. Although he’s seen them before, he asked again who sent him each one. We thought he would have a roommate (dorm style), but he has his own room. The medical personnel knew that Sam does better when Bridget is here, so they got him a private room with a rollaway bed so Bridget can stay and help him as needed. No words. 

We met with the physician’s assistant (she gave him a math question, and he answered it faster than I could), nurses, speech therapist (Michelle’s back!) and his physical therapists. With Michelle, Sam answered 56 of the 60 questions correctly. He had to look at pictures and then tell her what it was. He couldn’t quite pull the word “hammock” back, but he knew it started with an H. And, he couldn’t remember the name of “asparagus” but he cheated and read her notes upside down. He admitted it to her, and said he wouldn’t do it again. Made himself laugh. She said, “That’s the first time I’ve seen him smile. He’s making amazing progress.” I was asking questions and answering questions of all the medical personnel, and he told me I was talking too much. Nice. 

When you come to this facility as a patient, you have to take a step back from whatever you were doing before and are under observation for everything you do for the first 24 hours. He’s been walking without his walker, but now they are evaluating that again. The only issue is that his ankle is still swollen and bruised, and it hurts for him to walk on it. He has a window now to look out, and he can’t get enough. He asked if we could all go out to dinner tonight … 

Bridget went to class so Dan and I sat with Sam, and watched TV. Dan went and got us some ice cream! Although Sam still has fluid restrictions, he can eat whatever we can get him to eat. His appetite has not completely returned, and he’s lost another pound in the last few days. He did eat some breakfast, about half a salad for lunch, some ice cream and a little piece of turkey and mashed potatoes for dinner. Sam is better every day, but I can tell his memory of this “time” goes back only 4 to 5 days. If you ask when something happened, he says “ four days.” He complains that he is tired, but he doesn’t want to sleep. He asks me every day, “When did you get here?” He always asks us if we can watch a movie together, and when he can leave. He repeats himself because of the short-term memory loss. He wants to go home with Bridget. He is very cognizant of the fact that the better he does here, the more he learns and follows directions, the quicker he can return home and just go to outpatient therapy. We are hoping it will be soon. Bridget is ready for her new world. He will return home with the helmet, until his surgery, so he won’t be out and about. He will be healing.

He is not ready for visitors; we are requesting only family at this time. When Sam gets stronger and feels more comfortable, he will call his friends and reach out on his own. When he does that, when he makes those phone calls, it's a day we can all celebrate. He has been asking me questions all day, questions he would usually know the answer to like who is my favorite actor, who is my favorite actress, and then he asked me: 

Sam: What is your favorite movie? 
Me: Emma. 
Me: What’s yours? 
Sam: Not Emma. 

He’s showing his sense of humor, and it’s making me so happy. 

Yesterday, I felt so weak and hopeless, but today I feel better, stronger. The progress he is making every day is nothing short of miraculous, and I owe it to all of you for the prayers and good thoughts coming our way. I owe it to good medicine, and hard-working nurses and doctors. I also am thankful Sam is young and strong, and oh so smart, so that he will get back to who he was. 

I’ve only cried once today, and only felt on the verge of tears about 5 times, instead of every single second of every single day. I know this is the natural progression … as he seems better, I can start to let myself feel better. It just didn’t seem fair … as he lay in a hospital bed with a bolt sticking out of his head, struggling to fight nausea, to get up and go to the bathroom, to control headaches, to regain his strength and memory, to be missing a piece of his skull … it just didn’t seem fair for me to feel any sort of normalcy, to be happy for even one minute, to smile or laugh, to enjoy food or a good night’s sleep. I know life’s not fair, but this seems to push the limits of what anyone should have to endure. When your child is hurting, there’s just no pain that can compare. I will never again take my life or my children’s lives for granted, and I will tell them I love them and miss them every single day. I also will try to be more empathetic when others are in pain. We all have our struggles and heartache, and I want to be aware and sympathetic of yours. I am sorry if I have ever not been.

I have to leave here on Saturday, to try to return to my life for a few weeks (before I come back to Portland). I don’t want to leave him, but I’m grateful his dad will be here when I’m gone. I want to continue to surround him with love from his family, so he knows he is not alone in this fight.

See the wonderful gifts we have received from my friends in Arkansas. So much love. 

Thank you Tracy.

Thank you Damona.

Thank you Judy.

Thank you Rene.

Much love.