Discharge (Update for February 2, 2016)

"Tare care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them."

That's a quote from Bob Dylan, both Sam and Molly's favorite poet and musician. I like this quote particularly because I've spent lots of time shifting through sweet or funny memories of my son these past few weeks. 

Sam, Jaxon and Jason (my brother, Jaxon's dad)

Jaxon, Sam and Scott (my brother)

In the summer of 2013, Molly, Dan, Sam and I went to Montana to visit my father, stepmom, brothers and their families. Sam's little cousin, Jaxon, was enamored with Sam, drawn to him. Sam wrestled with, played with him, teased him, and Jaxon loved it. Here are some photos to prove my point ... wherever Sam was, there was Jaxon. I love the memory of that wonderful trip to Montana. 

Now, all the good news. Prayers answered.

Molly, Sam, Celia, Emma and Jaxon. 

When I received Sam's therapy schedule for today, per Bridget, it said: 2:30 Discharge. DISCHARGE. I am beyond happy that Sam will continue his therapy as an OUTPATIENT! He's made miraculous progress as he continues his journey to complete recovery.

At the conference today, the doctors and therapists said he would continue some of his meds, most importantly the salt pills, and he still has the fluid restrictions. He will take Tylenol for pain, no aspirin. He also will have weekly visits with a primary care physician, therapists and, in a few weeks, his neurosurgeon to check his brain swelling and, hopefully, schedule his next surgery. He has to keep his helmet on, almost all the time, and be very careful. His dad just texted and said he had been dizzy today, and was sleeping at this time. 

I am thrilled he is going to be home to continue his therapy although he has so much more to face (another surgery and recovery, continuous therapy, ongoing medications, etc.), so me being a mom and all, I sent Bridget about 32 texts worth of instructions and things to think about. She is calm and confident, and texted me back "I know you're worried. It's all going to be OK. They're preparing us well."

She's right of course. I am trusting her with my son's life, and I do. Completely. But I am still a mom. and I'm doing what moms do, worrying myself sick. I worried myself right into a migraine this morning, so I spent all afternoon medicating and resting.

His being home brings a whole new set of worries mostly related to stairs and showers (he has a shower chair), sodium and swelling, and just basically his entire future. But, again, it's what I do as a mom. It's the job that never ends.

Jaxon, hanging on. 

I really appreciate everyone who is telling me I'm a good, loving mom. I hope I am. But the reality is I am not doing or being anything different than any mom would do or be. And, I'm not perfect. I've made my share of mistakes, and I always tell my kids that I'm not perfect, I am just an imperfect person trying to love them the most that I can, the best that I know how. I know lots of amazing moms (and dads and stepparents)), and I learn from them all the time. When my kids were little, and I was feeling overwhelmed, my cousin Robin said to me, "This is the easy part. You have some control now. It won't always be this way." She was right of course. It never gets easier. You never quit worrying. You never get another decent night's sleep in your life. Because ... you can't protect them from everything or watch them every single second. I'm a realist so I accept that. Because of that, my goal always was to raise independent thinkers, willing to live their own lives and find their own way. If your children are grown and happily living on their own, congratulations .... you just won at parenting. That's how I see it anyway. 

I continue to get questions from friends, family and GoFundMe donors, and I will answer a few of those below. I am amazed at how much everyone cares about me and my family. I guess I just never knew. I'm humbled. 

Jaxon, Sam, Dan and Molly

Have the Portland Police Department identified the persons of interest in the photo? Yes. I do not know anything else about them, and the police investigation is ongoing.

Will you be returning to Portland? Yes. When my son's next surgery is scheduled, I will go to Portland a few days in advance and stay while he recovers and is in the hospital again.

Will you be attending any of the upcoming fundraisers? Unfortunately, probably not. Bridget will be attending as she can to represent our families.

Does Bridget have a support system in Portland to help her when she returns to class and fulfills other obligations? Yes, she has a group of their friends and her family she's calling the "Sam Sitters" to help her.

Does Sam seem like himself? Yes, more and more every day.

What about Sam's motor skills? They are excellent, although he is dizzy occasionally and has to worry about balance.

How is Molly? So many people have asked about my sweet daughter. She is strong, and very independent. She has her own health issue, but she never complains and continues to live her life as she chooses. I'm proud of her. 

Will Sam participate in any media interviews? No, he's not ready to have any visitors at all except close friends and family. We are asking that the media respect his privacy as he recovers.

I want to thank my co-workers and friends Trey, Matthew and Damona for coming to our home tonight, listening to me, and bringing me and Dan dinner. I appreciate that they are encouraging me to ease back into my normal routine and covering me every day at work. 

Thank you for all your prayers and good thoughts. Prayers were answered today, as I wanted Sam desperately to leave the hospital. As much as I am grateful for the love and care he has been shown by the wonderful nurses, therapists and doctors ... hospitals can be depressing.

I can say today, that I am feeling some sense of peace, and I can see the light at the end of this miserable tunnel.