Sleep (Update for February 3, 2016)

Fifteen days.

Sam resting at his home today. 

Sam spent his first night home in 15 days. It has been just 15 days, but it seems like a lifetime. He's come so far since his life-changing injury, but he has a long way to go. I know he can do it. So how has he felt since his first night home? Happy and sleepy. He was very, very tired when he came home, and he has slept A LOT. No one can ever get a full night’s sleep in the hospital. That’s no one’s fault, it's just the way it is. His brain needs rest, and for the first time in 15 days, he got to sleep, not medically induced, but real sleep that his mind needs.

I feel about sleep the same way I feel about salt. It's important to my son's recovery, and I want him to have as much of it as possible. 

He's still dizzy. It's worrisome but expected. 

Bridget is now in the process of scheduling his therapies, appointments and taking care of whatever it is that Sam needs. Besides taking on the role of Sam's caregiver, she has taken on the responsibility of keeping this mom updated. That’s not an easy task, but because she and I have a “mind meld” and the same end-goal, Sam’s complete healing, she knows what I need. She has sent me pictures and texts each day, throughout the day. She’s made sure both Sam and I are comfortable. I anxiously await her every text and phone call, and she doesn’t disappoint. Today, she bought him a pill case, and she was excited because it was colorful and helpful. It made me sad, but it put Bridget at ease. Her attitude is everything. She said he has told her that he wants to work hard in therapy. Each day, my heart is hurting because it's all so unfair, but also healing because he is on the mend. I'm grateful for each day of progress.

Me and Sam

The unfair, senselessness of it all continues to overwhelm me. If I think about it too much or too long, tears spill out. I try to focus on Sam's healing, and not what happened to him. But it's so hard. His life is changed forever; he has lost so much. What happened to Sam is not his fault. It’s never the victim’s fault. Never. If someone feels the need to hurt or bully someone because they are different, or believe differently, or because of the clothes they wear, then shame on them. 

I returned to my office today, and my co-workers were so sweet, and gentle. They are usually comical, and a maybe little loud, so the love and the solitude was all for me today. I appreciate their sensitivity. I have felt very broken, but I only cried once today at work … when my good friend Linda came by to see and comfort me. 

Goodies from Becky

My friends are the best. They have made me feel so loved. Tonight, my friend Becky, brought Dan and I dinner. It just tasted better, knowing she made it from the heart. 

Sam's grandpa (my stepdad) and Sam

I've been thoughtless. I have to mention, and thank, my parents for what they have done for Sam. My mom and stepdad have wanted to come to Portland SO BAD, but my stepfather is ill, so it’s not possible. They bought Sam a recliner to make him comfortable and have left me messages continuously. And, I want to thank my dad and stepmom, who have donated generously to the GoFundMe campaign, and who have also cried with me numerous times these past few weeks. 

And to you, thank you for reading and thinking of my son.